December is a crazy one...

This month has been a crazy one. As many of you know... a crazy snow day hit southeast Louisiana. There was nearly 8 inches of snow in Hammond! It caused the finals to be rescheduled.

I finally finished my semester. It was a hard semester. I dropped 7 hours, taking me down to 12. After multiple surgeries and involvement in an investigation, I'm glad that my grades weren't as bad as they could have been. I ended the semester with a 2.0, which isn't good for me... but it definately is better than I thought. lol.

Since school has been out, I've been traveling between Lacombe, Slidell, and Marrero to be with family. I think I'm just going to go home Friday night or Saturday... Home Sweet Home. :) Hammond.

So... life is going well. The Lord has blessed me tremendously and I can't wait to see what next year will hold. :)

what a craaazy week

So my story begins on Wednesday of last week, October 29 at 530am. I wake up with so much pain that I thought my left lung had collapsed. I called my mother scared. I'm not really sure why I called because I knew she couldn't do anything being an hour away... but I guess I felt like I needed to let someone know that I was in pain in case I died? lol.... I'm not sure. So, she suggested a breathing treatment since it is changing seasons and I have asthma that flairs up between seasons. The breathing treatment didn't work. Because North Oaks Hospital is infamous for sending people home with no real diagnosis... I didn't want to go, pay $100 that I don't have and be told its a cold. lol. I went to the infirmary at school, which is FREE. Ms. Vera (the doctor) said it was an inflammed chest wall which causes a lot of pain and that I should rest and take motrin every 4-6 hours and it should go away that night. I did as instructed but I woke the next morning with no relief and in MORE pain. I went back to see Ms. Vera and she suggested that I go see my stomach doctor. I called and they said to come right away. I get there and see the NP. She speaks with my surgeon and he says he need to admit me right away! They were going to call an ambulance... but since I was in Covington and I needed to get to Slidell... I just drove. I called my mom on the way and she met me there. Meanwhile, every time I move or breathe I have sharp pains... and dull pains when I am perfectly still. I was admitted into the hospital (which isn't covered by my insurance because it is complications from an elective procedure). I was extremely dehydrated because I haven't really eaten or drank anything since Tuesday night. Every vein they tried burst. :( I have like 10 different bruises from where they tried. I had three doctors and two nurses surrounding me questioning about my symptoms, types of pains, location... etc. 30 minutes later... Dr. Thomas was discussing me what was going to happen. They went in down my throat with a scope to see if they could see the band. If they could that meant that it went through my stomach wall... which obviously isn't good. He assured me that whatever it was... that they were going to fix it, but if it was anything with the uterus or ovaries they would have to call a specialist. I lost it then... so many thoughts ran through my head. What if it was that??? I'm not going to have children.... blah blah blah. He then explained that he was going to use the same incisions as last time so I wouldn't have any more scars (which they stuck to... except I gained one).

The result:

No more lapband. There was a reallyyy bad infection. He thinks a verryyyy small hole caused the stomach to leak bacteria into other parts of my body causing an infection. The hole is from the band. My body rejected it and didn't like it causing irritation... thus the ulcer/hole.

So, I'm out of the hospital now... on antibiotics, finally off pain medications, and feeling sooo much better.

Oh how webster can define and lead to conviction...

"Our efforts are futile if we aren't praying about it."

fu·tile /ˈfyutl, ˈfyutaɪl/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[fyoot-l, fyoo-tahyl] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation
–adjective 1. incapable of producing any result; ineffective; useless; not successful: Attempting to force-feed the sick horse was futile.
2. trifling; frivolous; unimportant.

Pray continuously with confidence

I really hope to sell the house soon, but we haven't had many people look at it, -one- to be exact. I keep reminding myself that if the Lord wants us to buy the house closer to campus then He will work it out in His timing. I must be patient. My grandmother has declined the contingency contract from the Crooms' house. She said that everything will work out if we are meant to buy it and there is no need for it. I must count my blessings, I do have a wonderful, new home with no problems. I would be very grateful for the convience of the house on Western, but it is all in the Lord's hands.

As I openned my quiet time journal on Sunday I saw a quote I wrote on the inside cover probably last spring. I don't know who said it... but it says, "Our efforts are futile if we are not praying about it." I haven't been praying earnestly about the sale of our home and the purchase of the new home.

1 Thessalonians 5:17 "Pray without ceasing."

Mark 11:20-24
20In the morning, as they went along, they saw the fig tree withered from the roots. 21Peter remembered and said to Jesus, "Rabbi, look! The fig tree you cursed has withered!"
22"Have[a] faith in God," Jesus answered. 23"I tell you the truth, if anyone says to this mountain, 'Go, throw yourself into the sea,' and does not doubt in his heart but believes that what he says will happen, it will be done for him. 24Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.

Our prayers must be with confidence. He wants us to believe without a doubt that He is capable of doing what we have asked.

Selling...

I'm asking everyone and anyone to pray with me. Lord willing, we want to sell our house and move into the Crooms' home (after they move out of course. lol.) I have been praying that the Lord allows us to do this and that HE will get glory from it. I have been earnestly praying throughout the day since last Thursday that He will sell it within two weeks of completing the process of putting it up for sale. We put up the remax for sale sign today and took pictures for the online listing, but we still have to make key copies and get it to the Realtor so that she can start showing it. So... two weeks from then.

I know two weeks isn't very long, but I know that our Lord is capable of selling the house tomorrow if He wishes. I hope that He doesn't make us wait long to find owners for this home.

cutting both feet. :(

I had foot surgery Friday. My feet pounded for 2 straight days. I'm just now getting rid of the numb toes on my right foot. It is really painful to stand and walk for a while. But... I'm doing good.. definately better than the other treatments. Who would have thought that surgery is feeling better overall than the in office acid treatments.

The doctor cut out the things and it is really raw and I have to keep bandages on it with socks. For now, I have to wear loose fitting shoes. Crocs have been my best friend lately. lol.

Irrate Professor

I've come to realize that I really haaaaaate and yes I do mean HAAAATE, when people uses the Lord's name in vain.

A teacher came in here thinking my office was a computer lab that she was scheduled for. She frantically used our phone and computer to try to correct the mistake, but repeatedly "OHHH ***" breathing like she was out of breath... and repeating the Lord's name. Her anger and fustration is not what I am used to. I wanted to just tell her to calm down. lol...

Just in case you didnt know.

I'm getting stressed out with school way too early. 19 hours is already getting the best of me... I may have to drop a class. :( I'm not sure yet.

So... an update from last week. We couldn't find the kitten. We hope that they ran away and didn't come back.

So, if you didn't already know. My grandmother is buying a house closer to campus-- Chip and Shelley's house to be more accurate. We have to sell our house soon and I'm spending the weekend getting it ready. I've organized my closet... which is a major feat. lol. I've cleaned out the laundry room and made it pretty. The living room, dining room, and kitchen is always clean... but I have a few dishes to put away and put in the dishwasher. I'm cleaning my bedroom today. I'm going wash my sheets and manage to put things somewhere. ugh. I also have a lot of clean clothes to hang in the closet. I probably need more storage but I'm not going to buy anything else.

About 6 months ago, I decided that I wanted to paint my bedroom. I painted a 2 foot square of the color that I liked to see if it would go. The swatch looked amazing on my wall... so I bought the pint and painted a little of the wall. WELLLL.... the color ended up looking like an olive khaki color. IT IS UGLY! So, of course, I didn't paint anymore. NOW, I have to paint my bedroom to make it look good. I went to Lowe's and got a few swatches that I thought may have matched. Well out of like 10 swatches, one of them matched perfectly. It is just a swatch... so I was hoping it really did and just in case I had to paint the whole room, I bought a whole gallon. I also had to buy drop clothes, painting supplies, tape, etc. Well... I primed the ugly patch before hand, painted it with the new paint twice... I woke up this morning... and BAM... perfect match! You can't tell at all!!! :) :) :) So, I don't have to paint the whole bedroom! wooohoo!

Evacuation without the e and u = VACATION!

As of yesterday morning, no power at my place. My brother that stayed cleaned out my fridge... thank youuu.

My vacation in Edgefield, South Carolina has been beautiful. :) I love it here. We were supposed to move here back when I was like 12 or so. And then that fell apart somehow. I wonder what it would be like if we had? hmmm. I dont know. I know that I am very glad that I am where I am at Southeastern and I know the Lord has had His hand in all of it. :)

I will probably be coming back home tomorrow or Saturday. I hope. Although I love it here. The beauty is amazing, but I do not like the two young, fighting, undisciplined cousins that follow us here to run from the storm. They fight consistently... and their mother doesn't tell them anything. They are very very rude to me and my grandmother... and the rest of the family that lives over here. They are very selfish. It makes me sad that my aunt doesn't correct them. She does every now and then, but doesn't tell them what they do wrong or what they should do to correct it. It is a bit fustrating especially when they tell me to shut up or move or whatever. I have to hold my tongue-- it has gotten the worst of me though. lol...

I may come home with a new kitten too. A rescue mission will go underway around sundown. We will see if we can catch her. The farm dog is way crazy and has killed the whole litter individually. Last night he killed the black and white kitten. It was so sad. So... I won't let him get the last kitten. We will rescue it. :)

Gustav...

When I left Hammond on Thursday afternoon, I thought I was going to ride out the storm at my parents' house, thinking that it wouldn't be that huge of a storm. By Friday night, Grandmother called me to pack my bags and head to New Orleans Saturday morning. We packed the essentials and headed to take a small vacation and evacuate to South Carolina. I loooove it here. It is so beautiful. We left Saturday, drove 8-9 hours to Birmingham and spent the night there and then the next morning drove to South Carolina. We stopped by Aunt Nina's and swam and ate lunch and then came back to the country to Mammy's house. Today, we went to the creek ( they prounced it like a 'creck in your neck'). Danielle of course was scared of the water... and got "bored". I was content enjoying the cold creek water and the sounds of the outdoors. Rhys and I stayed a little longer and skipped rocks. I enjoyed it.

I've tried to limit my television time. The Gustav news worries me. I think it is getting my mind to wonder a bit more than it actually should. I'm going to wait until after everything has calmed to watched it again, to see if we can actually come back home.

School should start back Thursday... but I'm doubting that will happen this week, maybe next week.

Anyway, I'm safe... and I hope ya'll are too.

Fall semester is fastly approaching

School starts Wednesday. I've bought all of my books that they said I needed, but of course, I'm almost certain that I'll have at least two teachers mention another book on the first day of classes. Its not that abnormal actually... but it sure is a pain in the wallet. I spent over $200 in books this semester, which I shouldn't complain too much because I don't have to buy ALL of my books, I rented 5. I'm taking 7 classes-- 19 hours. I am almost certain I will end up dropping an unnecessary/elective class that I don't necessarily need this semester. So this is what I'm taking this semester:

Statistics
Piano
Methodology in FCS
Advanced Nutrition
Louisiana History
Folklore & Oral Literature
Greek & Roman Mythology


Should be an interesting one... but its almost the end. May 15, 2008 is getting closer!!! :)

He knows me...

School starts in one and a half weeks. I am not excited about it... nor am I ready for it. I just spent my summer focusing on school and nothing else pretty much.

I am thankful for the Lord's grace and mercy on me. He is showing me day in and day out His sweet kindness and love. :)

I went back home to Lacombe for church this morning... at FBC Lacombe. I enjoyed the service... the worship and sermon was a-maz-ing. The Lord is so very sweet to me... and He knew exactly what I needed this morning. :) I will never be able to understand how... but I am thankful that He does know. He is God afterall. :)

I needed hugs, I needed laughs, I needed family, I needed familiarity. I got all of those things this morning/afternoon.

I had an extremely awkward moment... lol. Oh well. I'm awkward... but that awkwardness turned into a lunch time laughs. This guy has no idea how much I needed those laughs... but I am thankful for it anyway. I have been so stressed out with school and trying to take on the stress and worries of others.

I love those laughs, stomach hurting... tears flowing kind of laughing... I love it.

The Lord showed me that He knows me inside and outside... and He is GRAND... He is amazing... He is our God. :)

I need a B-R-E-A-K!

School starts in two weeks. bahhh... I feel like I haven't had a break yet. We've moved into a new office yesterday, we've been packing since last week. We are not completely finished because we still have to put things on the wall like bulletin boards, that folder thing for applicants, and just some decorative stuff.

I need a break, seriously. I am worn out... I want a whole week to just relax, but I can't. I have to work, I have to make money. During the interim (between semesters) I can work full time, which gives me extra money when school starts. I say full time... but its only like 7 more hours than normal... like 32 hours. Seven hours makes a diference... like a $50 difference-- or about that.

Seeing myself a little different...

Because you see yourself day in and day out... you never notice a physical change. I've lost 35ish pounds... and still feel like I look like I was at my biggest. Its all psychological... but its still how I'm viewing myself. So, for the first time since I've lost weight, I saw a picture and noticed that I've lost weight. So... I thought I've give a little update with a picture.

Lap-Band update

So I have been feeling much better physically. I still have been trying new things, wondering if it will go down. I still have some problems... but not throwing up daily like I was. :)

My port site is above my bellybutton. It has been rather sore lately. I can actually feel it now. I've lost weight, and the port is kinda sticking out. I can feel it under my skin... it is so strange. If it becomes a problem, and visibly seen I can get it replaced with a thinner port if I wish. The port is actually like two inches thick. This is a picture of the port, just for you to see how it compares.

Applebee's dinner date

So Jason and I went to Applebee's last night after church. I had my first ceasar salad since my surgery. I love love looooove ceasar salad and I was told I wouldn't be able to handle much of romain lettuce and it would fill me quickly. Because protein is needed more in my diet, I have stayed away from it. So, I am happy to tell you I had a small ceasar salad, I enjoyed it, and it did not come back up! :) yaaaaay.

Outrageous Tuition

Southeastern has posted the tuition and fees bill for the fall semester. Tuition has went up a minimum of 10% state-wide from what I understand-- which doesn't sound like much... but it is. So, my balance was $2333.80. Just a comparison... my first semester Fall 2004, my bill was about $1200. The fees this semester may be inflated because I am paying more for distance education fees because I'm taking more internet classes. So $144 in distance education fees. OUCH. Also, when you get into your 300/400 level classes, you have special topics classes, which means you have to BUY books and cannot take advantage of the textbook rentals that Southeastern offers. So my point is... education is expensive and it stresses me out. But... it lowered my bill when I took off $150 in Lion's Lagniappe because she told me today she would give me extra money for books. :)

"i wish i was in love with him..."

Sitting in our hotel room this past weekend... someone made a comment: "I wish I was in love with him. He is such a great guy." I caught myself... thinking... "He is a great guy... I wouldn't pass him up if he initiated to me." ugh. Its a shame... such a great guy as he is and the girls he has initiated to hasn't given it a second thought. :( I want the best for him... bahh... that's makes me a bit sad.

Passing it on...

I've missed my friends... so very much. I cannot wait to have everyone back together soon. I am excited to go to PCB this weekend too. :)

After a very looooong conversation with Jason last night, I realized that I need to share my knowledge with others. I'm gonna put 2 Timothy 2:2 to use outside of CO for the first time really. It is pretty exciting to share everything I know with others. I remember the joy I felt when I taught someone how to share the Gospel for months... and then actually saw her share it. :) Its very rewarding.

I've taken for granted of the fact that I've had some pretty extensive training through CO. People at Ebby (Ebenezer Baptist Church) that are older don't have the resources that I have and definately not the younger ones. I am excited to be able to share this training and let them turn around and share it too.

Her words don't stop... (but how wrong is she!)

So, after I've tried to reconcile any difference with her... I've stopped. There seems to be no hope with her. Her words are still so hurtful and I still do not understand why she continues.

Her words recently have been along the lines of... I will have to settle for second best (in reference to guys), because I am unattractive and my weight will cause me to not have 'the best'. All I can do is laugh at that statement. She is so wrong. If a guy falls in love with me, it won't be because of my physical appearance, but because of my PASSION for the Lord. I don't want a man do love me for my body. Yes, I do want there to be a mutual attraction, but attraction is more than physically. I hurt for her. If she thinks this is how a man will love her... I hurt for her. I hurt for her future husband, her children, and the people she comes into contact with.

This has also made me realize that what I do now can completely affect my future relationships with all types of people. My love and compassion is for the Lord's people... not for certain kinds of people... certain kinds of body types. My love will not stop for someone if they do not do what I think is correct. I am called to love my neighbor (may that be anyone) as myself. (Mark 12:30-31) AND... Philippians 2:3 "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves."

I am commanded to love Rachel completely. So, I will. AND I will continue to pray for her.

OH how the Lord has been teaching me about love this summer. Application is key.

Shane Black's annual beach project speech rung in my head for daaaaaaaaays. :)

31 Down...

Went to the doctor's office in Mandeville today. I have not been able to eat until the afternoons because the band is too tight in the morning. So... Chris (my doctor that's a woman) took some saline out. I am already feeling better. I am glad she did too because for example last night I couldn't eat barely. It was so painful.

Anyway... less saline... and more weight lost. 31 pounds down now! :) I have about 100 more to lose, but I'm taking it slow and steady. I lost 6 pounds last month and it seems I lose on average 5 pounds a month.

If you are curious, here's the official website... http://www.lapband.com/

Spongebob Pin

As much as I dislike Grace's new cartoon phase of Spongebob... she enjoys it. I don't really like the disrespect the show portrays... and I think it teaches children nothing but disobedience.

While I was working at Holiday Inn Sunspree my first summer at Beach Project, Spongebob was Holiday Inn's mascot thing I guess. The Sunsprees have a contract with Nickelodeon. There is even a Spongebob suite in Orlando's Sunspree. Interesting, right? Anyway... point was that they made the Activities Team wear these spongebob pins... or rather, they had many and gave us them. lol... so, I gave mine to Gracie and she has recently found it again. lol... This is her at the zoo last Saturday.

Beauty...

So, I'm not sure how I'm feeling. I hate that I can't put my feelings into words. As warm tears fall down my face, I can only rely on the Lord. As any young woman, I struggle with my appearance. I am consistently reminded of how "unattractive" my weight is. I am reminded by the media, as everyone else is... but I am reminded by strangers... I am reminded by family... and even friends.

Men in Walmart were not as forgiving today. Obscene comments and gestures hurt deep, but the hurt is probably more because I do not believe that I am beautiful.

"Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised."
Proverbs 31:30

But....... I still want to be beautiful, even if it is fleeting. I wanna be beautiful just for a little while. I want to feel beautiful. What I am feeling, is far from it.

Fall Break!

So Southeastern has a Fall Break this year, FINALLY! I've been quite jealous of LSU's fall break... and finaly Southeastern's admin has caught on! October 2-3, a Thursday and Friday, is our Fall Break. And I've decided to take my extra loan money and buy a plane ticket to LAS VEGAS! My aunt will be sooo very happy. I called her yesterday and she said she is going to take off of work and we can go to some plays and stuff (from what I hear, Las Vegas has turned into a family friendly place). My job now is to convince Grandmother to fly up with me. :) I am going whether or not she comes with me... but it would be nice to have all three of us together. I am pretty sure she will come with. :)

So, the afternoons in Louisiana have had thunder/lightning storms that are pretty terrifying. About 2 weeks ago, there was a lightning storm passing through Hammond and lightning hit a tall tree in the Union Park outside my office window in McClimans Hall. It also branched off and hit another tall tree at least 50 feet away. It was probably the scariest thing I had ever experienced... or really close to it. lol!!!

First tree...

First tree... closest to the Union Theatre.
Second tree...
Second tree... close to the parking lot...

Grace's Dance Recital

So Grace's 2nd Dance Review was a few weeks ago. It was in Picayune and quite a distance for me to drive so I rode with my mom half way. She was adorable and a camera ham of course. As you can see, she watched the teacher on the side of the stage the whole time to make sure she was doing everything correct.

After her small performance with her class, she stared into the audience and didn't realize her class had gone off stage. This is her realized it and running off franticly.

And the picture below is after the 3 hour recital. She was extremely tired, very cranky, and hungry. She did not want pictures. All she wanted was food and for me to hold her. (By the way, the pink dress she is wearing, my mom made for her... the closing number everyone wore a princess outfit.)

My recent prayer...

So everyone is entitled to their opinion I suppose, but I don't quite understand why people have to put others down. As I read her hurtful words, I have to remind myself that I do not know what is going on in her life. I can only assume since she has such a fixation and obsession with making fun of me, she is threatened by me? or she carries much sin and hate in her heart. :( I started praying for her yesterday, like seriously praying. I prayed for 10 solid minutes just for her. The Lord heard my confession yesterday morning at the alter... and I never want to return to such a sin pattern because it only leads to more sin and more lies. Sin is a direct rebellion against God's Law. I was living in direct rebellion. :( I do not know her heart... but it is evident there is something wrong. I pray that she finds her solution through Christ. I pray that He convicts her gossiping mouth and her hurting words. I pray this scripture for her: (Ephesians 4:29- Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.)

Her opinion is not what matters; God's opinion is what matters. I have already been saved by grace through Jesus Christ. His opinion of me is set. Because I am a believer and follower of Jesus, God sees Jesus, not me. Jesus continues to intercede on my behalf.

My confession on the altar has set me free from my bondage of sin. There is no longer a record of it and I shall not condemn myself any longer for my mistakes. Romans 8:1 says, "Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus"

And as I finish writing this... the Lord has convicted me of such talk. My prayer extends to myself. I pray that He continues to convict my heart about sinful speech.

first blog...

so... with the recommendation of a close friend, I've started a blog. I'm not sure how often I will write, but it can be a small outlet for my many thoughts and my changing life.

My current concerns:

My continuous weight loss is still surprising me. lol... I'm down 31 pounds as of this morning.

I miss my friends that are in PCB and Brazil.

I've found a fit in a church family finally. :) I am excited to be a part of the ministry at Ebenezer. :)

After nearly 9 months, I am still surprised that the Lord is changing my heart and giving me joy. I know that He is well capable of it, but I'm so different that I doubt that it is real. I often question whether it is joy or just the emotion of happiness. I've learned the difference recently. ahaha... :) I love the changes and I'm growing in the love of the Lord daily. :)

Well, I think that is all I want to talk about for now.