Seeing myself a little different...

Because you see yourself day in and day out... you never notice a physical change. I've lost 35ish pounds... and still feel like I look like I was at my biggest. Its all psychological... but its still how I'm viewing myself. So, for the first time since I've lost weight, I saw a picture and noticed that I've lost weight. So... I thought I've give a little update with a picture.

Lap-Band update

So I have been feeling much better physically. I still have been trying new things, wondering if it will go down. I still have some problems... but not throwing up daily like I was. :)

My port site is above my bellybutton. It has been rather sore lately. I can actually feel it now. I've lost weight, and the port is kinda sticking out. I can feel it under my skin... it is so strange. If it becomes a problem, and visibly seen I can get it replaced with a thinner port if I wish. The port is actually like two inches thick. This is a picture of the port, just for you to see how it compares.

Applebee's dinner date

So Jason and I went to Applebee's last night after church. I had my first ceasar salad since my surgery. I love love looooove ceasar salad and I was told I wouldn't be able to handle much of romain lettuce and it would fill me quickly. Because protein is needed more in my diet, I have stayed away from it. So, I am happy to tell you I had a small ceasar salad, I enjoyed it, and it did not come back up! :) yaaaaay.

Outrageous Tuition

Southeastern has posted the tuition and fees bill for the fall semester. Tuition has went up a minimum of 10% state-wide from what I understand-- which doesn't sound like much... but it is. So, my balance was $2333.80. Just a comparison... my first semester Fall 2004, my bill was about $1200. The fees this semester may be inflated because I am paying more for distance education fees because I'm taking more internet classes. So $144 in distance education fees. OUCH. Also, when you get into your 300/400 level classes, you have special topics classes, which means you have to BUY books and cannot take advantage of the textbook rentals that Southeastern offers. So my point is... education is expensive and it stresses me out. But... it lowered my bill when I took off $150 in Lion's Lagniappe because she told me today she would give me extra money for books. :)

"i wish i was in love with him..."

Sitting in our hotel room this past weekend... someone made a comment: "I wish I was in love with him. He is such a great guy." I caught myself... thinking... "He is a great guy... I wouldn't pass him up if he initiated to me." ugh. Its a shame... such a great guy as he is and the girls he has initiated to hasn't given it a second thought. :( I want the best for him... bahh... that's makes me a bit sad.

Passing it on...

I've missed my friends... so very much. I cannot wait to have everyone back together soon. I am excited to go to PCB this weekend too. :)

After a very looooong conversation with Jason last night, I realized that I need to share my knowledge with others. I'm gonna put 2 Timothy 2:2 to use outside of CO for the first time really. It is pretty exciting to share everything I know with others. I remember the joy I felt when I taught someone how to share the Gospel for months... and then actually saw her share it. :) Its very rewarding.

I've taken for granted of the fact that I've had some pretty extensive training through CO. People at Ebby (Ebenezer Baptist Church) that are older don't have the resources that I have and definately not the younger ones. I am excited to be able to share this training and let them turn around and share it too.

Her words don't stop... (but how wrong is she!)

So, after I've tried to reconcile any difference with her... I've stopped. There seems to be no hope with her. Her words are still so hurtful and I still do not understand why she continues.

Her words recently have been along the lines of... I will have to settle for second best (in reference to guys), because I am unattractive and my weight will cause me to not have 'the best'. All I can do is laugh at that statement. She is so wrong. If a guy falls in love with me, it won't be because of my physical appearance, but because of my PASSION for the Lord. I don't want a man do love me for my body. Yes, I do want there to be a mutual attraction, but attraction is more than physically. I hurt for her. If she thinks this is how a man will love her... I hurt for her. I hurt for her future husband, her children, and the people she comes into contact with.

This has also made me realize that what I do now can completely affect my future relationships with all types of people. My love and compassion is for the Lord's people... not for certain kinds of people... certain kinds of body types. My love will not stop for someone if they do not do what I think is correct. I am called to love my neighbor (may that be anyone) as myself. (Mark 12:30-31) AND... Philippians 2:3 "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves."

I am commanded to love Rachel completely. So, I will. AND I will continue to pray for her.

OH how the Lord has been teaching me about love this summer. Application is key.

Shane Black's annual beach project speech rung in my head for daaaaaaaaays. :)

31 Down...

Went to the doctor's office in Mandeville today. I have not been able to eat until the afternoons because the band is too tight in the morning. So... Chris (my doctor that's a woman) took some saline out. I am already feeling better. I am glad she did too because for example last night I couldn't eat barely. It was so painful.

Anyway... less saline... and more weight lost. 31 pounds down now! :) I have about 100 more to lose, but I'm taking it slow and steady. I lost 6 pounds last month and it seems I lose on average 5 pounds a month.

If you are curious, here's the official website... http://www.lapband.com/

Spongebob Pin

As much as I dislike Grace's new cartoon phase of Spongebob... she enjoys it. I don't really like the disrespect the show portrays... and I think it teaches children nothing but disobedience.

While I was working at Holiday Inn Sunspree my first summer at Beach Project, Spongebob was Holiday Inn's mascot thing I guess. The Sunsprees have a contract with Nickelodeon. There is even a Spongebob suite in Orlando's Sunspree. Interesting, right? Anyway... point was that they made the Activities Team wear these spongebob pins... or rather, they had many and gave us them. lol... so, I gave mine to Gracie and she has recently found it again. lol... This is her at the zoo last Saturday.

Beauty...

So, I'm not sure how I'm feeling. I hate that I can't put my feelings into words. As warm tears fall down my face, I can only rely on the Lord. As any young woman, I struggle with my appearance. I am consistently reminded of how "unattractive" my weight is. I am reminded by the media, as everyone else is... but I am reminded by strangers... I am reminded by family... and even friends.

Men in Walmart were not as forgiving today. Obscene comments and gestures hurt deep, but the hurt is probably more because I do not believe that I am beautiful.

"Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised."
Proverbs 31:30

But....... I still want to be beautiful, even if it is fleeting. I wanna be beautiful just for a little while. I want to feel beautiful. What I am feeling, is far from it.

Fall Break!

So Southeastern has a Fall Break this year, FINALLY! I've been quite jealous of LSU's fall break... and finaly Southeastern's admin has caught on! October 2-3, a Thursday and Friday, is our Fall Break. And I've decided to take my extra loan money and buy a plane ticket to LAS VEGAS! My aunt will be sooo very happy. I called her yesterday and she said she is going to take off of work and we can go to some plays and stuff (from what I hear, Las Vegas has turned into a family friendly place). My job now is to convince Grandmother to fly up with me. :) I am going whether or not she comes with me... but it would be nice to have all three of us together. I am pretty sure she will come with. :)

So, the afternoons in Louisiana have had thunder/lightning storms that are pretty terrifying. About 2 weeks ago, there was a lightning storm passing through Hammond and lightning hit a tall tree in the Union Park outside my office window in McClimans Hall. It also branched off and hit another tall tree at least 50 feet away. It was probably the scariest thing I had ever experienced... or really close to it. lol!!!

First tree...

First tree... closest to the Union Theatre.
Second tree...
Second tree... close to the parking lot...

Grace's Dance Recital

So Grace's 2nd Dance Review was a few weeks ago. It was in Picayune and quite a distance for me to drive so I rode with my mom half way. She was adorable and a camera ham of course. As you can see, she watched the teacher on the side of the stage the whole time to make sure she was doing everything correct.

After her small performance with her class, she stared into the audience and didn't realize her class had gone off stage. This is her realized it and running off franticly.

And the picture below is after the 3 hour recital. She was extremely tired, very cranky, and hungry. She did not want pictures. All she wanted was food and for me to hold her. (By the way, the pink dress she is wearing, my mom made for her... the closing number everyone wore a princess outfit.)