I've decided to write a few things that I've become uncomfortable with since my weight loss began. Some of these things I knew I'd experience... others not so much.
1. saggy skin already. I knew I'd have saggy skin, but my skin feels wrinkly and weird already. Although I've had large arms, I've never been self-conscience of my arms. Now is a whole different story. you can see where my muscle is and where the fat has shrank. I'd say disappeared, but it isn't gone, just deflated. lol.
2. the looks. Once again, I knew I'd have people comment on my weight loss, but not like this. It is as if they don't see me anymore. People see my body, my weight loss. They literally look me up and down 3 or 4 times while saying 'you look great'.... Okay, I know I've lost weight, but do you really have to eye my body like that? It makes me want to hide. DON'T LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT! lol. It wouldn't be appropriate to look at me like that in any other stage of my life... skinny, fat, pregnant, old... whatever.
3. I'm emotional. and very uncomfortable about it. I think it is for many many reasons. My hormones are weird because of the weight loss. My cycle is abnormal. My ob/gyn put me on the patch. I hate it, but it is better than a cycle every day for a month and a half. Another reason is my self-perception because of 'the looks' and my saggy skin. I'm uncomfortable in my body because I don't know this body yet. I know that may sound weird, but things feel different, react different, and move differently.
4. the questions. I'm uncomfortable with people that I've rarely spoken with in the past asking me what I'm doing. I've never tried to hide my surgery, but I just feel like if I wanted them to know, I would have told them.
5. The facebook marketing for weight loss. So I understand that this is people's jobs. I also understand that they love their product. But Advocare and Body by Vi are not for everyone, especially not for me. I am on a diet, following my doctor and dietician. Gastric Bypass patients do not have normal digestion or normal anything. I want to follow their instructions and not your claim. Also, the pills... those are self explanatory. Also, the workout methods. I'm sooooo looking forward to doing a normal workout routine for a normal person, but unforunately, being 300+ pounds is not normal. I have to wait to SAFELY try workout programs. Insanity... not going to happen. P90X... not going to happen. I would literally break a bone from the weight of my body. Give me some time to adjust to a new body, time to lose weight, before giving me the workout speech. I workout. I walk/jog 2 miles 4-5 times a week. I burn 400-500 calories from that alone. I'm working at it. It will just take me a little longer.
Friday, September 7, 2012
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
recipe for the 'perfect' man. lol.
okay, okay... not perfect by any means... but just those little (and big) things that I want in a guy. :)
As you get older... husband prospects change... and what you want changes. I've always said I've wanted a Godly man first and foremost, but there are a few things that are not necessary, but I think it would aid in the attraction because of my life goals and what I like. lol. I know that sounds awful... but it is the God honest truth. So here I am... about to rewrite what I want in a Godly husband. and quite possibly what I've wanted all along and just dismissed it. lol. mind you, I'm writing this while my boyfriend and I 'take a break'. I haven't any idea what that actually means except that he needs to work on some things with himself and with the Lord. and that's something that I cannot do with him (not at this stage of our relationship, if we were married this would be completely different).
So here is this list that I may add to later. lol.
1. Godly man: not only a relationship with the Lord, but one that is producing fruit and growing. A relationship that I see and want. And it would definitely help if our doctrine agreed. lol. Reformed Theology!
2. Respect for my parents, family, and me. I don't think I need to elaborate, but a close relationship with my family is very important to me. and I want that close relationship with his family.
3. Optimism: I feel that life can really suck if you want it to and be really awesome if you want it to. You just have to change your thinking. I chose to see trials, sufferings, and hurts in a way that will bring Glory to the Lord. I know this is because of my relationship with the Lord, but I also know that I can change how I look at my sucky job/job hours and put a positive spin on it. For instance, working graveyard shift frees my time between 2pm and 9pm where I get to see friends and family. Also, I know this is not permanent. It may be for a year or two, but I know that I want to find a position that I love.
4. An interest in nature. so this is not necessarily a requirement, but I just really love the outdoors even if I'm not doing a single thing but laying in the grass on a sunny day or laying in a hammock with the stars above. I love sunsets, trees, FLOWERS, and all of God's creation. I did put an emphasis on flowers for a reason. I really love flowers. I love to be given flowers, I love seeing flowers, I just love flowers.
5. a general knowledge of vehicles and woodworking. again, not a requirement, but one of my dreams is to fix up a house to be our dream house. an interest in these things would be nice.
6. finanically aware. this is a requirement. I don't mean that he shouldn't have student loan debt or a car loan, but I do mean he should be aware of his financial situation. A budget is necessary and working towards being debt free.
7. So I feel this should be like number 3 because of its importance, but I guess it doesn't matter because these things are not in order. but... I want him to be okay with being single. What I mean by that is that I want him to know himself... to like himself and be okay with being with himself. I understand the desire to be married and to have children because I, too, have that desire, but I also feel that I like myself enough and am okay with where I am at this point in my life that I'm okay with being single. In no shape or form do I NEED a man to complete me. This is not an independent woman rant, but rather a confidence rant. I know that the Lord can use me in my singleness and while being married.
8. good communication: I do not want someone that will blow up or walk away if things get rough. I want to talk it out or at least be able to say "I want to talk about this, but I need time to process things first". I think this requirement is very dear to me because quite frankly many men in my life are not good at that. They just run or yell then run. It makes me feel unvalued.
9. I need to finish this later....
As you get older... husband prospects change... and what you want changes. I've always said I've wanted a Godly man first and foremost, but there are a few things that are not necessary, but I think it would aid in the attraction because of my life goals and what I like. lol. I know that sounds awful... but it is the God honest truth. So here I am... about to rewrite what I want in a Godly husband. and quite possibly what I've wanted all along and just dismissed it. lol. mind you, I'm writing this while my boyfriend and I 'take a break'. I haven't any idea what that actually means except that he needs to work on some things with himself and with the Lord. and that's something that I cannot do with him (not at this stage of our relationship, if we were married this would be completely different).
So here is this list that I may add to later. lol.
1. Godly man: not only a relationship with the Lord, but one that is producing fruit and growing. A relationship that I see and want. And it would definitely help if our doctrine agreed. lol. Reformed Theology!
2. Respect for my parents, family, and me. I don't think I need to elaborate, but a close relationship with my family is very important to me. and I want that close relationship with his family.
3. Optimism: I feel that life can really suck if you want it to and be really awesome if you want it to. You just have to change your thinking. I chose to see trials, sufferings, and hurts in a way that will bring Glory to the Lord. I know this is because of my relationship with the Lord, but I also know that I can change how I look at my sucky job/job hours and put a positive spin on it. For instance, working graveyard shift frees my time between 2pm and 9pm where I get to see friends and family. Also, I know this is not permanent. It may be for a year or two, but I know that I want to find a position that I love.
4. An interest in nature. so this is not necessarily a requirement, but I just really love the outdoors even if I'm not doing a single thing but laying in the grass on a sunny day or laying in a hammock with the stars above. I love sunsets, trees, FLOWERS, and all of God's creation. I did put an emphasis on flowers for a reason. I really love flowers. I love to be given flowers, I love seeing flowers, I just love flowers.
5. a general knowledge of vehicles and woodworking. again, not a requirement, but one of my dreams is to fix up a house to be our dream house. an interest in these things would be nice.
6. finanically aware. this is a requirement. I don't mean that he shouldn't have student loan debt or a car loan, but I do mean he should be aware of his financial situation. A budget is necessary and working towards being debt free.
7. So I feel this should be like number 3 because of its importance, but I guess it doesn't matter because these things are not in order. but... I want him to be okay with being single. What I mean by that is that I want him to know himself... to like himself and be okay with being with himself. I understand the desire to be married and to have children because I, too, have that desire, but I also feel that I like myself enough and am okay with where I am at this point in my life that I'm okay with being single. In no shape or form do I NEED a man to complete me. This is not an independent woman rant, but rather a confidence rant. I know that the Lord can use me in my singleness and while being married.
8. good communication: I do not want someone that will blow up or walk away if things get rough. I want to talk it out or at least be able to say "I want to talk about this, but I need time to process things first". I think this requirement is very dear to me because quite frankly many men in my life are not good at that. They just run or yell then run. It makes me feel unvalued.
9. I need to finish this later....
Thursday, January 5, 2012
Pet Peeves
Strange how someone can yell at you about something they heard from a third party and not let you tell your side of the story. strange. I was asked for my observations, I gave my observations. Pretty simple. I won't lie to my boss.
Pet Peeves recently:
1. Not listening while someone else is talking.
2. Interrupting while someone else is talking.
Pet Peeves recently:
1. Not listening while someone else is talking.
2. Interrupting while someone else is talking.
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