My prayer time with the Lord

My prayers have turned into attributes of God. I will plea with God and claim His name. My prayers are just yelling his name and what he is capable of.

"You are God... a personal God. You are fulfilling, you are satisfying. You are all I need. You are faithful, trustworthy, worthy of my praise. Good or bad... you are He, You are the Lamb and Lion. You are the Protector. You are the Great Physician. You are the Great Healer. Heal her. Feel her breath, hear her heart beat. Create strength in her. Put YOUR strength in her. You are capable. You are the only one capable. Show yourself to our family. Draw them to yourself. Glorify yourself in their lives, in my life. Let me be your tool. You are capable of moving mountains. I have faith that you can remove the cancer and be her strength. Feel my heart, know my passion, live your life in me."


The hour and a half drive to New Orleans gives me time to prayer, even if it may be for 20 minutes.

My life this semester...

So as I type this... I have plenty of things to do before TOMORROW! I have finals Wednesday and Thursday... papers due in each. but yet... other things on my mind.


My grandmother has cancer. Every weekend (other than this past weekend) I have been in New Orleans taking care of her, running errands, and making her comfortable. It is exhausting and it is hard to see her getting sick. She isn't like coughing kind of sick... she is just weak and tired all the time. She has her good days and her bad days, but I really hate those bad days. I have to remind her that it is okay to nap multiple times during the day. We ordered a wig online the other day. Her hair isn't completely gone, but it is thinning and she didn't feel pretty... so a wig helps.

So the Counseling Program is awesome! My colleagues/peers are amazing and so very supportive. I've had a pretty rough semester with Mama (that's what I call my grandmother) and they have all supported me through it, encouraging me to talk and let them know how I'm feeling. We all hung out last night at Carreta's and talked and had a good old time. It was really nice.

I am so amazed by people this days. For some reason I'm always the go between, the rebound in some kind of fashion and the doormat in other ways.

Genuine people is all I ask for... genuine people.

changes...

He gives me a desire...

a desire to live somewhere new, not now of course, but in the future. As much as I love the Northshore... and Louisiana and I would looooove to live here, I am certain that He has called me to live elsewhere. I do not know where, but in time He will tell me. Maybe Baton Rouge, maybe Tennessee, maybe Pennsylvania, maybe Alabama, maybe Italy... I really don't know. I will follow Him in obedience.

Isn't it weird when the last thing you would ever want... is something that He starts to work in you? It is definately not an accident. He may want to just test that I will have a willing heart. I don't really understand at this point.

I no longer fear being alone. One year ago, I wrote in a prayer journal that I feared that I would never get married... that I would be alone forever. I needed someone or something. I can honestly say that is not the case anymore. Over the past year He has grown me in Him. He is what I want, what I need. Yes, I need Christ-centered community, but I do not feel that my life is not complete without a spouse. I still have a desire to be a wife, but my desire for a strong relationship with the Lord trumps it any day. He is my portion. I am in the place I need to be. That does not mean that I will never marry... it means that I am content with Him alone.

I cannot truly love until I worship Him and know my true identity that is found within Him. So... consider this my time to find my true identity that is found within Him... it has only just begun.

One of the books I'm reading... the book I quoted in my other blog. Relationships: a mess worth making. It is about dating relationships, friendships, and even broken relationships. It sure is eye-opening.

Quotes from a book I've been reading...

Quotes from a book I've been reading...

Relationships: A mess worth making by Time Lane and Paul Tripp

"Whenever the things you want become more important than God, your relationships suffer. Even when you make relationships more important than God, your relationships suffer! This is what sin does. It blinds us to our dependence upon God, turns us inward, and causes us to either fear or exploit others."

"When love for God is replaced by love for self, people either become obstacles that hinder goals or vehicles that promote them."

This particular chapter is about sin. There are 6 particular self sins it talks about: Self-Centered, Self-Rule, Self-Sufficiency, Self-Righteousness, Self-Satisfaction, Self -Taught. We all in some way have experienced these, some more than others. The world will even teach us that we should be this way. I found that self-sufficiency was a hard one to swallow. I am independent. I try so hard in my life to rely only on myself. I sacrifice intimacy and mutually helpful community. I have often been cold and distant. I seek independence and time alone. Although the world may tell me that it is good to only rely on myself... it is not. The body of Christ is a community. It's purpose is to be around... to be intimate. My reliance should not be of myself but on the LORD. Being distant only pushes me towards sin and it's fall.

So, I decided to take a trip and I don't mean a vacation.

I thought a rainy day would bring much relief.

Monday, I was at work. It started raining around 930am. I got excited because I knew it would be a little cooler in the afternoon, probably humid, but cooler never the less. I got thirsty, so I gathered money for the vending machine and because I work a 10 hour day, I decided to go to the next hall where there are vending machines on the second floor. Well... up I go, I get my snacks (I decided against soda and there wasn't any juice), and low and below what do I do coming down? Fall. Down. The. Wet. Stairs. :( not just a few steps... but like 5 steps. OUCH. I seriously thought I broken my ankles and/or feet. I sat on the floor and cried. lol. I had a few people gathered and I was really embarrassed. I called my co-worker she came and we call the police to escort me to the health center. Health center reccommended going to the hospital or urgent care clinic. I called mom. She came and brought me to the clinic. Of course my right foot is worse than my left, but neither are broken. Thank God! Can you imagine having one or both of your ankles or feet broken? ew. So I have a moderate sprain on the left and a severe sprain on the right. I have been in bed/resting for 3 days. I hate it. haha! I refused the pain medicine, but I am on steriods to help with the swelling. I have ventured out of the house to get my bike I had to leave on campus and I am presently sitting in the computer lab on campus until I get enough nerve to get up. It hurts... and I don't wanna. haha. I am definately doing better, but I am afraid it will be some time until I get to ride my bike again. :( sad, sad.



not sure if you can see all of the bruising in this picture... but its around my ankle... and some towards my toes. its gross.

HOT Summer...

It is June 22... Day two of official summer (Summer Solstice started yesterday) and it is HOT!!! I looked at the forecast this coming week... and the temperatures are ALL above 96. eek. :( disgusting. Tuesday and Wednesday is suppose to be 101... that's not even the heat index! so you know its going to feel like 110-115! ooohhhhh myyyy gosh!



So, I start work at a snowball stand on July 2nd. It is going to be hot hot hot! I'm sure the snowballs will sell!!! LOL. I got this job just for extra money and because I have nothing to do on my 4 day weekend except visit family, which has been great. So, Monday-Wednesday I'll be at my normal job, 7am-530pm... and Thursday-Saturday at the snowball stand, 11am-7pm. OH, did I mention its a new stand opening... very close to campus?? It is next to the current Mission Church, soon-to-be Crossroads Church (we are going to be renting it starting August 1st).




A: My home.
B: Blue Artic Snowball Stand (job #2)
C: SPS (job #1)

Yes, they are VERY close. When it isn't too too hot, I ride my new bicycle. I love to ride my bike!

This was very hard for me to write and it took me weeks.

This is my Narrative Essay I submitted for the Counseling Program. I thought I'd share it.

My name is Jennifer. I am 23 years old and I’ve lived in Hammond for the past five years. I have two brothers—Jerry, 21, and Kelvin 27. Kelvin has been married for 6 years to Jennifer Ann and they have a daughter Grace, 4. My mother and father have been married for 30 years. I call my grandmother Mawma and she has been my support, financially and emotionally, for the past 8 years. I spend a lot of time with my family and I value our relationships, but it hasn’t always been that way. As a child, I never expressed any concern about how I was feeling. It was a taboo to say that someone felt any kind of emotion. Problems were rarely discussed with the family, unless it was disciplining the children. Much bitterness and confusion grew in our relationships.

I grew up in a small town on the North shore of Lake Pontchatrain called Lacombe. This little town has two highways with one yellow flashing light. I grew up spending my Saturdays crabbing, fishing, and playing in the woods with my brothers. Jerry and I were the closest of friends and spent most of our time together. There are two schools in Lacombe, Chahta-Ima Elementary and Bayou Lacombe Middle School. I went to both and learned to appreciate that diversity of my small town. The culture is rich and the income is low. I was in a school that scored low in standardized testing, but it did not stop me from excelling. My mother would often provide supplements with my schoolwork because I would often get bored. By the time I was in first grade, I was on a fourth grade level. School and ballet were my only concerns. Life was simple. I knew not was racism was. I did not know that African Americans were a minority in the United States, nor did I care. My friends were my friends. My skin color was merely a color and I never distinguished any kind of difference.

The second chapter in my life came in 1998 when I began 7th grade at Fontainebleau Junior High School. I remember my first day of 7th grade. It was as if I was in some kind of alternate world. This school was completely different. It was Mandeville. Most of the kids that went to this school were of Caucasian decent and not poor. These kids made me ‘normal’ when it came to my studies. Exceeding in school was no longer extraordinary. I was losing what I found my identity in—school. Racism went ramped. African Americans were stereotyped and my friends wanted to be with their “kind”. I was left to make new friends. Like most teenagers, I had trouble finding a niche and making friends. I did not express my concerns to anyone. My family was very different than it is now. I was depressed and felt very isolated.

I was tempted to begin my story from my new beginning—college. Monday, August, 23, 2004 was the first day to a new beginning of my life. I was 18. It was my first semester in college. I was living in the dorms, away from my parents and my grandmother. I began to realize how my family was, how they reacted to situations, and how they handled problems. With the help of Paige, my therapist, I learned problems are meant to be thought about, talked through, and given a plan of action and application. Life changed as I applied the principles to my world, especially faith based principles. I learned to be assertive and to set boundaries with people. I won’t allow someone to hurt me; I leave their words at a distance.

Without my experiences in college, I know I wouldn’t be the same person. Not only did I find myself in college and figured out who I am without my parents, I also found a personal relationship with the Lord. I now find my identity in Christ. My identity is constant and unchanging because He is unchanging. I’ve found friends that also find their identity in Christ and our friendships are unlike any other friendship I’ve ever had. My niche in Campus Outreach has helped me grow spiritually and emotionally, forcing me to see situations differently.

My family is different now. I admit sometimes I have allowed their hurtful words to pierce my heart, but I always try to refocus and reset those boundaries. I am readily able to express my thoughts and disagreement when the time is right. I still have trouble talking to my mother because I feel she ignores me, but I am working to communicate that she is not actively listening to me. It has been tough to try to see situations through others’ eyes, but it has always been valuable to my growth.

I am thankful that I didn’t learn about racism until I was old enough to know that it is wrong. I am grateful that my family, my life experiences, and my relationship with the Lord have shaped me into who I am with the help of therapy. It is refreshing to know that I have found life friends. Overall, I wouldn’t change a single thing about my past because it shapes my present and lets me alter my future.