This was very hard for me to write and it took me weeks.

This is my Narrative Essay I submitted for the Counseling Program. I thought I'd share it.

My name is Jennifer. I am 23 years old and I’ve lived in Hammond for the past five years. I have two brothers—Jerry, 21, and Kelvin 27. Kelvin has been married for 6 years to Jennifer Ann and they have a daughter Grace, 4. My mother and father have been married for 30 years. I call my grandmother Mawma and she has been my support, financially and emotionally, for the past 8 years. I spend a lot of time with my family and I value our relationships, but it hasn’t always been that way. As a child, I never expressed any concern about how I was feeling. It was a taboo to say that someone felt any kind of emotion. Problems were rarely discussed with the family, unless it was disciplining the children. Much bitterness and confusion grew in our relationships.

I grew up in a small town on the North shore of Lake Pontchatrain called Lacombe. This little town has two highways with one yellow flashing light. I grew up spending my Saturdays crabbing, fishing, and playing in the woods with my brothers. Jerry and I were the closest of friends and spent most of our time together. There are two schools in Lacombe, Chahta-Ima Elementary and Bayou Lacombe Middle School. I went to both and learned to appreciate that diversity of my small town. The culture is rich and the income is low. I was in a school that scored low in standardized testing, but it did not stop me from excelling. My mother would often provide supplements with my schoolwork because I would often get bored. By the time I was in first grade, I was on a fourth grade level. School and ballet were my only concerns. Life was simple. I knew not was racism was. I did not know that African Americans were a minority in the United States, nor did I care. My friends were my friends. My skin color was merely a color and I never distinguished any kind of difference.

The second chapter in my life came in 1998 when I began 7th grade at Fontainebleau Junior High School. I remember my first day of 7th grade. It was as if I was in some kind of alternate world. This school was completely different. It was Mandeville. Most of the kids that went to this school were of Caucasian decent and not poor. These kids made me ‘normal’ when it came to my studies. Exceeding in school was no longer extraordinary. I was losing what I found my identity in—school. Racism went ramped. African Americans were stereotyped and my friends wanted to be with their “kind”. I was left to make new friends. Like most teenagers, I had trouble finding a niche and making friends. I did not express my concerns to anyone. My family was very different than it is now. I was depressed and felt very isolated.

I was tempted to begin my story from my new beginning—college. Monday, August, 23, 2004 was the first day to a new beginning of my life. I was 18. It was my first semester in college. I was living in the dorms, away from my parents and my grandmother. I began to realize how my family was, how they reacted to situations, and how they handled problems. With the help of Paige, my therapist, I learned problems are meant to be thought about, talked through, and given a plan of action and application. Life changed as I applied the principles to my world, especially faith based principles. I learned to be assertive and to set boundaries with people. I won’t allow someone to hurt me; I leave their words at a distance.

Without my experiences in college, I know I wouldn’t be the same person. Not only did I find myself in college and figured out who I am without my parents, I also found a personal relationship with the Lord. I now find my identity in Christ. My identity is constant and unchanging because He is unchanging. I’ve found friends that also find their identity in Christ and our friendships are unlike any other friendship I’ve ever had. My niche in Campus Outreach has helped me grow spiritually and emotionally, forcing me to see situations differently.

My family is different now. I admit sometimes I have allowed their hurtful words to pierce my heart, but I always try to refocus and reset those boundaries. I am readily able to express my thoughts and disagreement when the time is right. I still have trouble talking to my mother because I feel she ignores me, but I am working to communicate that she is not actively listening to me. It has been tough to try to see situations through others’ eyes, but it has always been valuable to my growth.

I am thankful that I didn’t learn about racism until I was old enough to know that it is wrong. I am grateful that my family, my life experiences, and my relationship with the Lord have shaped me into who I am with the help of therapy. It is refreshing to know that I have found life friends. Overall, I wouldn’t change a single thing about my past because it shapes my present and lets me alter my future.